Today’s post is for all you brides who needed a small amount of Prozac or a large amount of alcohol to get through wedding planning. I’m scared to post this but here goes…
I’ve tried to use the blog solely as a source of positivity but I have to say that planning a wedding sucks unless you’re spending someone else’s money or you’re more of a “girly girl” than me. It sucks. I’m calling “BS” on every movie or Pinterest board that made this look like a dream. It’s bull. This has been exhausting and no matter what you do someone is going to take issue with a menu item, or a centerpiece, or even how you choose to live your life. One of the things I’ve learned through this process is that I share my opinion entirely too much. I want to say to anyone in my life who got a mouth full of unsolicited advice from me: I am so incredibly ashamed that I did that to you. I’m sorry. My practice from now on will be to try and keep my opinion to myself unless it is blatantly requested. Even then I might say, “You should do whatever makes YOU happy.”
I guess I need to be tougher. I’d like to think I’m a decently strong woman but emotionally I’ve been kicked in the teeth. Quite a few people have really let their inconsiderate flags fly. I’m talking full mast… disregarding the option to speak to me respectfully and as a human being. Has this happened to anyone else? I feel like people are losing their minds around me like it’s my own personal zombie apocalypse.
Two quotes for any brides out there who will scream if another person tells them what they “should” do or how things are “supposed to be done”.
“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.”
– Dita Von Teese
“A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.”
– James Keller
No matter what decisions you make someone (even and most especially family) will have something negative to say about it. Eleanor Roosevelt said something similar: “Do what you feel in your heart to be right for you’ll be criticized anyway.” Second, it doesn’t take any happiness away from you to be happy for another person. It doesn’t take any strength away from you when you build someone up instead of criticizing them. It doesn’t make you less of a friend to keep your mouth shut unless you think physical or emotional harm could come to the person you care about.
To the people who have said something hurtful to me about Chris and I living together before marriage or not being married by a pastor or having alcohol at the reception or any number of things I’ve had to listen to… Judging me doesn’t make you a better person. Telling me my grandmother would be ashamed of me doesn’t make her any prouder of you. Reminding me she is gone won’t bring her back. I am acutely aware of her absence. We were roommates when she died. Most importantly, telling me you love me before or after this sermon doesn’t negate the incredibly out of line things you express.
To all my friends who have been supportive and can disagree without disrespecting me your love has meant more than you will ever know. You don’t have to wave pom poms in my face after I make a decision but you stand by me and stand up for me. Thank you for hating your bridesmaids dresses and not telling me. Thank you for not expressing your displeasure for Mexico as a poor choice for a honeymoon (complete strangers did that). Thank you for going to Cider Fest when you’re pregnant and can’t drink a drop. Thank you for letting me vent. Thank you for thinking of me. Thank you for asking if I need anything even when you know I’m too Type A to let you help. Thank you to the all the people who threw me a shower or came to one. Thank you for not giving so-called “constructive criticism”. I hope all you have a wonderful time at the wedding. I know that I will. As always, thanks for reading.
Until next time,